FOREVER ALONE

Not. For. Real.

The usual drama, just when you're starting to like someone again after being lonely for fucking three years, everything failed. It's like, buying 3 boxes of expired Ferrero Rocher chocolates and you have to take it though you know it might kill you because your money will be wasted for nothing if you don't eat it. Okay, whatever.

So here it goes.
He still loves his X. I know, right? Happens all the time!!! Why can't I like a guy without an ex? Oh please, too much drama because of ex girlfriends. Please. Please. Please Lord.

I have to admit, I got hurt, a little. Why? Don't ask me, I don't even know why. I feel like everything's falling apart. I feel unlovable, I feel ugly, I feel rejected and it sucks. I tried to smile and laugh it all off but at the end of the day, ako padin yung talo kasi na-fall ako. I can't stop thinking about this dude but now I have to stop. It's all not worth it and I'm just wasting my time..


..Cause deep down I know, God wrote a perfect love story for me but he's still waiting for a guy to play the role of my TRUE LOVE. :)



True Love Waits. :)

Signs and Confusion

It's freakin half an hour after two am and I can't sleep. Random things are running through my head and I can't explain why. I know for a fact that this is not a good sign, I don't need anything right now. I'm happy, I'm contented. I'm not looking for anything.

Just when I've started liking someone again after two freakin years of controlling myself, I've decided to just let it go. I don't know, I'm not ready yet I guess. I told myself that this is not the right time and the right place. I couldn't like someone just because this "new guy" resembles the old one. I know, its not cool. It's like, you're still stuck at the same station while waiting for the next train. It's been years and months and days but why is it that I couldn't seem to let it go. I like this "new guy" so much because of the "old guy" ughhh, this is not good!!!!! ;((

So I tried to avoid and ignore him at skool, the problem is, he's always there. I always see him around and I can't stop liking him more and more each time I see him. I should stop myselffff. This can't be happening to me, I'm not really in the condition to like someone now. Someone who's not even interested. I mean, truth hurts! I know he likes someone else, but why can't I just stop? For once, can something good happen? At least today? Seriously, I need something to look forward to, I know but not something that sooner or later, I know it'd break my heart again. :c

And just earlier today, I gave it one last try.

I prayed before I texted him. The prayer goes like this:
"God I know you only have 3 answers to requests like this: YES, NO, and WAIT. This will be the last try."

If he replied immediately, the answer is YES.
If it took him time to reply, God said you WAIT.
And if he doesn't reply, God gave NO as an answer.

Guess what, just a few seconds after I sent the message, he replied. I was like: "ajahxuwk, You serious? :) thank yooooou Lord." But then again, being the ever pessimist, the sign made me confused.

What if's are starting to bitch me off again.
"What if this is just some coincidence?"
"What if signs aren't really true?"
"What if?"..........

I don't know what/who to believe. I don't even believe in myself anymore. I've been burned and hurt too much that LOVE sounded like a trip to the dentist for me and it makes me scared as hell. I took the risk several times, but I ended up losing more than I should gain. This couldn't be happening again. I should stop, as early as now.

Now I'm jumping, and I have the choice whether to fly or to fall. Flying wouldn't hurt, but still I have the chance to fall and get hurt. I don't know!!!! Am I making any sense??? Cause this don't. :c

Please, please.
Nothing serious now. Just plain admiration.
I like you, I like you so much. ;))

11:11 <3 wo xi huan ni orenjii

Today, I Met A Boy.

Well, not today actually. Last tuesday, September 28. :) I dunno what I felt actually. The night before I met, I was convincing myself that he's not worth any of my time, but in the back of my mind I was thinking that it wouldn't hurt if I gave myself a chance. Well, its just plain crush actually, nothing serious.

So the story is, I've been eyeing him since august this year. I always see him with one of my blockmates. I kept the "liking" really well cause nobody knew about it till now. But honestly, it was reallyyyy obvious! Everytime he goes into our room to announce something, I tend to STFU and listen to him. (Even if IDGAF with what he's saying) hahaha! But nobody knew about it until I told them about it. I simply couldn't take the burden anymore!! Ha ha ha!

Then last sunday, I was tweeting about him. I was like: "I think I finally found a crush on school now, but I'm not sure yet." Ha ha ha. Cause that's true. I'm not really sure if I like him or not. He's kinda not my type, number 1: CAUSE HE'S NOT CHINESE!! And number 2: he's pinoy. I'm sorry but really, I'm not into filipino guys that much, yeah, I know they're sweet but still, no. So I thought that maybe I'm just attracted to him because I see him everyday, and there aren't a lot of good looking guys in school. So maybe that why I find him attractive/appealing.

Maybe another reason is that I miss the thrill of having a crush! You know, the feeling of getting excited to go to school everyday. :)

I finally found someone to look forward to everyday, something that's not impossible. And I'm sure, my junior year would be great!!!

I'm just waiting for the best moments in my life to happen. :)