Hindi lang siguro mahal yung tamang salita.

Ang weirdo ko. So binasa ko ulit yung blog entry ko dito nung nakaraan. Wala lang bigla na naman akong naguluhan, ang dami na namang mga salita na umikot sa ulo ko. Ang daming emosyon ang humuhugot sa utak ko. Ewan ko, siguro kasi tungkol sa kanya yun. Tungkol samin.

Kahapon nagsimba ako kasama ng bestfriend ko, napansin ko yung pagkabalisa niya. Alam ko yung dahilan. Alam ko na may tao siyang ayaw niyang makita pero gusto niya. Ang ironic ba? Siguro andun lang yung mixed emotions niya. Hindi niya din alam kung paano siya magrereact kung magkita man sila ulit. Hindi siguro siya sigurado sa mararamdaman niya, sa magiging outcome ng pagkikita nila ulit. Pati tuloy ako natetense, paano nga kung magkita sila ulit?

Nagsimula na yung sermon, wala namang bakas ni ex. Wala. Ako hindi ko maramdaman. Pero biglang tahimik yung bestfriend ko. Maya-maya pa parang may tao akong kilala na naghahanap ng bakanteng upuan, tapos yun na. Bigla kong naramdaman yung kakaibang hangin. Natawa ako, pero naawkwardan din ako sa moment. Sa dinami-dami ng araw na malelate at mauubusan ng upuan sa bandang likuran, ngayon pa!Ngayon pa kung kelan dun kami nakaupo sa likuran nila.

Sa totoo lang natatakot ako pag lumilingon yung tatay niya at siya. Ayoko lang kasi nung pakiramdam na yung katabi ako eh iba yung pakiramdam. Magulo ba? Basta yun na yun.

Pero sa nangyari, hindi lang siguro "MAHAL" yung tamang salita. More like, "MASAKIT" pa. Ewan ko. Siguro fresh padin yung mga nangyari.

Pero may mga bagay lang na hindi na talaga dapat pinipilit, para wala ng gulo.

CAN YOU KEEP A SECRET?

“She believes in love and romance. She believes her life is going to be transformed into something wonderful and exciting. She has hopes and fears, just like anyone. Sometimes she feels frightened. Sometimes she feels unloved. Sometimes she feels she will never gain approval from those people who are most important to her. But she’s brave, and goodhearted and faces her life head on.”

NASAYANG NA PAGKAKATAON.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit nagddrama pa ko ngayon. Ang alam ko kagabi lang masaya akong nakikipagtsismisan sa kaibigan ko tungkol sa lalaking gusto ko ngayon. Tapos ngayon lang kausap ko yung bestfriend ko, tinanong niya ko kung bakit parang biglaan kong naisip tong mga ganito. Uhm, hindi eksaktong ganyan pero parang ganyan yung dating sakin, ang nasagot ko nalang..

"Ganito ata talaga pag meron kang bago, bigla mong naaalala yung mga dati."

Pero sa totoo lang hindi ko na gusto pang alalahanin yung dati, ano pa bang matatandaan ko bukod dun sa mga sakit na dinala mo? Ano pa bang dapat kong ipaalala sa sarili ko? Yung ipinamukha niyo sakin na hindi ko na dapat pinilit yung sarili ko sayo? Nakakainis kasi na sa bawat galaw mo ngayon yun at yun nalang yung nakikita ko. Parang mero kang salamin sa na nagpapakita sakin nung nakaraan. Parang andiyan ka lang lagi para ipaalala sakin na masakit magmahal, lalo na pag sobra. Parang ikaw yung lesson sa school na kailanman hindi ko kayang mamaster, parang proving lang. Hindi ko kayang iprove na yung triangle A ay equal sa triangle B. Parang yung pagmamahal mo na sinasabi ko noon pa, hindi ko kayang iprove na equal yung naging pagmamahal mo saming dalawa.

Paano mo nakayang nakita akong nasasaktan? Putangina mo, yun yung dati ko pa gustong sabihin sayo. Lagi mong isinasaksak sa utak ko na hindi ka pa ready magmahal, eh bakit ako ready na ba? Sinubukan ko diba? Sinubukan ko pero ano yung napala ko, ako pa yung masama. Ako pa yung walang kwenta. Ako pa yung nagmukhang gago. Nakakainis kasi na sa lahat ng nangyari, ikaw padin yung kawawa.

Ang dami mo kasing bagay na gustong gawin. Alam ko siya padin yung dahilan kung bakit gusto mong patunayan yung sarili mo. Sa dami ng gusto mong magawa eh wala ka tuloy matapos. Alam mo kung bakit? Kasi ginagawa mo yun para may mapatunayan ka sa ibang tao, hindi mo ginagawa yun para may mapatunayan ka sa sarili mo. Sana lang marealize mo na yung mga sinabi at ginawa ko para sayo dati eh sincere. Yun lang naman ang marealize mo eh okay na ko.

Wala ka naman ng dapat patunayan. Kahit na anong gawin mo yun na ang tingin ng tao sayo. Kung gusto mo talagang bumilib sila sayo subukan mong bumuga ng apoy, tumulay sa baga, kumain ng buhay na buwaya. Sana lang yung mga nasayang na pagkakataon maisip mo padin, aaminin ko sayo kahit konti umaasa padin ako.

Pero wala na eh. Wala na talaga.
Ang kinatatakot ko nalang ngayon, isang maling salita o maling magawa ko lang...
Baka maulit na naman lahat, kung kelan muli na kong masaya.

NAALALA KO LANG (Tagalog Post)

Di ko alam pero bigla akong napadaan sa blogger account niya. Iba na kasi ngayon compare mo dati. Dati kapag nagbubukas ako ng blogger titingnan ko na yung account niya, kahit may nababasa akong hindi maganda gagawin ko padin. Ang dami na pala talagang nagbago. Tatlong taon nadin pala, naisip ko lang subukan na buksan ulit yung account niya. Wala na palang bago, wala na kong makuha. Nakikita ko naman na masaya na siya ngayon, wala na yung bakas nung mga nangyari dati. Nagkasakitan kami sa mga salita, sa mga bagay at mga kwentong umikot sa mga nakakakilala saming dalawa. Wala na lahat.

Noong mga panahong yun siguro, pareho lang kaming nadadala ng emosyon. Isang babaeng nagmamahal at yung isa naman eh nagmamahal parin. Ang problema kasi doon, walang gustong magpatalo. tatlong taon narin pala yung nakalipas, marami nang kwento ang umikot. Halos wala na kong maalala sa mga nangyari. Ngayon nalang ulit. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero bigla nalang bumalik sakin lahat.

Hindi ko nga alam kung minahal ako ni gago ng katulad ng pagmamahal niya dun sa isa. Siguro dati gusto ko pang malaman pero ngayon hindi narin. Sa tatlong taon na wala din naman nangyari in between. Ang dami lang sigurong mga taong nakakaalam kaya paminsan-minsan tutuksuhin ka nila. Parang sila pa nga yung hindi naka move on sa nangyari. Mga tanong na ayaw ko nang sagutin kase yung pakiramdam na ayaw mo nalang na pag-usapan kasi matagal nang nangyari at ayaw mo na ng gulo. May mga tanong na kumukurot padin sakin hanggang ngayon, yung tanong na... "Naging kayo ba?"

Hindi ko alam kung ano yung isasagot ko. Hindi ko alam kung ano ba kami noon. Hindi ko alam kung saan nanggaling yung sakit dahil alam ko na hindi naman naging kami. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pinagaawayan namin noon yung naging pag-aari niya na hindi naman naging sakin. Nasaan yung karapatan ko? Alam ko wala, pero nasaktan ako. Kumapit ako eh, kumapit ako sa wala kaya nasaktan ako. Makalipas ang tatlong taon wala na yung sakit, wala na silang dalawa. Burado na ang mga alaala. Wala na sila.

Wala na yung kaba ko na baka bukas may bagong entry na naman tungkol sakin. Kung paano ko daw kopyahin yung mga ginagawa niya, mga akusasyong hindi ko alam kung totoo ba o hindi. Aaminin ko naman na dumating din ako sa punto na muntikan ko ng hindi makilala yung sarili ko. Ang dami na kasing nagbago. Ang dami na pala talaga, pati nga sila nagbago na.

Sa ngayon alam ko wala ng gulo sa pagitan naming dalawa. Siguro oaminsan-minsan nagtatagpo padin yung ugali namin, pero hindi na katulad ng dati na alam mong may pinagmumulan. Masasabi ko namang ayos na, hindi na siguro magkakaaway. Sana wag nalang maulit pa. Tatlong taon na ang nakalipas, congrats sating lahat!

EVERYDAY, IN A LOVE SONG.

WEEK 01.

Monday: Girl on T.V - LFO
" I wish for you on a falling star, wondering where you are. Do I ever crossed your mind in a warm sunshine?"

Tuesday: The Look - Ryan Tedder
" Impossible, maybe but worth one last try and I'm waiting for your reply. I'm standing here patiently just for the chance that I might be able to hold you tight. I want to know what makes your world go round."

Wednesday: I Can Wait Forever - Simple Plan
"You look so beautiful today, when you're sitting there it's hard for me to look away."

Thursday: Paparazzi - Lady GaGa
"I'm your biggest fan I'll follow you until you love me, papa-paparazzi. Baby you'll be famous, chase you down until you love me, papa-paparazzi. Promise I'll be kind, but I wont stop until that boy is mine."

Friday: Friday I'm In Love - The Cure
" Thursday I dont care about you. it's Friday, I'm in love."

Saturday: Enchanted - Taylor Swift
" I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home. I'll spend forever wondering if you knew, I was enchanted to meet you."

Sunday: Never Knew I Needed - NeYo
"For the ending of my first begin and for the rare and unexpected friend. For the way you're something that I never choose but at the same time something I don't want to lose and never want to be without ever again."

Trust Me, I Lied.

Whatever happened three years ago
hurt us both, I know.
The cut is so deep, the wound left some scars
I remembered everything tonight as I am watching the stars.

"I Love You" was said, but never shown
Deep down your heart, you have never known.
The pain you've caused three years ago
Still haunts me at night as I cry in my bed alone.

Easier said than done so I guess I've never moved on
I've never been in love for a little too long
I've seen people like you everyday of my life
Why can't I just get everything off my mind?

The mean things you've said still haunts me in my deepest slumber
I've never ever wished for us to be together
But whenever I hear your name I'm still reminded of forever
I've waited too long for that fucking "forever"

Whatever you say, whatever you believed in
I said "I love you" once and I'll never repeat it
I've invested too much feelings so now I concede
You know why? 'Cause he never believed.

God is the dj, life is a dancefloor. Love is a rhythm and you are the music.

"I felt out of place, till he looked into my eyes. My friends wont believe me., if they could only see me. At the risk of sounding cheesy, I think I fell for the boy on TV."


There are those moments when you lose all your words, afraid that you might say the wrong ones and ruin the moment. There are moments that are simply irreplaceable. Warm hugs and cute hello's. How could you forget that one moment when the person you ACTUALLY like smiled at you. I just can't explain. It was so magical, I'm left speechless. Somehow, reality calls me. HE IS STILL NOT THE ONE FOR YOU. I can't possibly fall in love with this guy. He just makes me happy and feel "kilig" but no LOVE. :)) BUT STILL YEAH! IM REALLY HAPPY, LIKE SUPER HAPPY!!!!! =)) I wish I could talk to him more, laugh with him often, share drinks with him too. I know, sooner. Patience has a reward. Good things come to those who wait. I know, cause I believe. :">


"I met a boy and I can't relax, the only problem is he's a movie star.

I don't know. I'm still guarded though, like helloooooo? HOW COULD HE POSSIBLY LIKE ME? AS IN ZERO CHANCE! NO CHANCE! NO NEVER! They say sometimes you just have to be with the person who makes you smile even if it means waiting, so I waited FIVE FREAKIN' LONG MONTHS and finally I get a hug from him! I WAS SO-SO HAPPY, inexplainable happiness! :">


One day, we'll see each other again. That day will be so special, I will make you laugh, I will let you sleep on my shoulders. I know you're always tired because of your work and I'll be there to make things better. No matter what they say about you and the other boys, I will fight back just to prove them that they are wrong. Some people may hate what you're doing but I will love every single thing about it. I will remember every detail and be the greatest fan of your life. I will be here, as a friend, as a fan, as a P.A, as RIA who always care. That girl who did everything just to see you again. That girl who brought her mom with her just to see your show. That girl who always say good things and only positive things about you. One day, I will make you feel your worth. I just need a chance, the right words to say. I just need a little more courage, more miracle to be able to say these things. Right now, I'd just be your fan. I'll always be proud of you. No matter what my friends tell me about all these things I've been doing, I don't care anymore. I'll give you my support. I got your back and I promise to stay.

All I need now is an assurance that you would do your best. Ignore the haters and just do what you love to do. I just need to see you achieve your goals.REACH FOR THE STARS. Whenever you stumble and fall, I'll always be here to remind you about how great you are! How proud I am because I've known you, for even just hours. Just keep shining, you are a star (at least for me). I won't mind being called "jologs" or "jeje". You don't have to prove anything to them, just keep working. Enjoy what you're doing and I'll be fine. Hopefully someday, I'd see you again. Successful and at the peak of your career. I WILL ALWAYS BE SO PROUD OF YOU & HAPPY AT THE SAME TIME. YOU KNOW WHY???? BECAUSE I MET YOU. And I AM BLESSED. ♥ :)

YOU NEVER HAVE TO BE ON A MOVIE SCREEN, TO BE THE LEADING MAN IN ALL MY DREAMS. ♥